In a noisy room, the easiest way to connect with someone isn’t to shout. Instead, we instinctively lean closer and speak quietly.The same goes for navigating difficult conversations in our organisations, particularly around challenging topics that people are not necessarily on board with. Shouting for change or pushing people into a panicked state often leads to resistance or overwhelm. But by using a calm, connected approach, we can inspire real understanding and action.

The quiet voice doesn’t compete with the mental clutter of fears, assumptions, or biases. Instead, it remains calm, speaking with a confidence that can penetrate even the loudest noise around us. When we draw from this kind of inner certainty (our intuitive intelligence), we can engage in even the most challenging conversations with ease.

Here’s how to bring that calm, grounded approach into your critical conversations using 10 proven strategies (Adapted from an original Linkedin post by the brilliant Dan Sherrard-Smith and using elements of Theory U by Otto Scharmer and Cruicial Conversations by Kerrie Patterson )

1. Clarify what you want as an outcome and what you don’t want

Be clear from the outset what you want to achieve and what you don’t want i.e. I want to enlighten and engage people around Responsible leadership, but I don’t want to alienate them through fear mongering or using jargon. Spelling it out like this give clarity on how you think about the conversation, setting your mind clear boundaries to work with.

2. Find something in common

People are more receptive when they feel their values are acknowledged. Start your conversation where people can feel invested rather than defensive or indifferent. This phase —called “co-sensing” in Theory U—enables us to create a space where everyone feels they have a stake in the discussion.

3. Listen deeply

Listening sets the tone for mutual respect. When you open the floor for others’ views, it allows people to express their concerns, fears, and ideas, which might otherwise stay hidden. Show genuine interest in understanding where they’re coming from. When people feel heard, they’re more open to considering new ideas and perspectives. This openness to others allows us to surface the emotions and insights that might otherwise remain hidden and creates the basis for a truly respectful conversation

4. Share your own journey and vulnerabilities

Personal stories enable us to move from the abstract to the tangible. With our stories we build empathy, making the issue feel relatable and real. Be aware that everyone has their own personal story and experience they bring to the table. No one’s story is right or wrong, it is just their story.

5. Focus on Positive Actions

Rather than focusing on what’s going wrong, shift to what can go right. Emphasise the power of small, positive actions. These solutions make change feel achievable, encouraging people to join in rather than shut down.

6. Show understanding

Change often involves shifts in behaviour that can seem challenging to many. Acknowledge these concerns without judgment. When we validate others’ experiences, they’re more likely to open up to creative, collective solutions.

7. Use Simple Language

Simple, accessible language helps everyone understand the issue clearly without feeling intimidated or excluded. Your goal is to communicate in a way that resonates with everyone in the room. Explain like you would to your granny.

8. Keep it Hopeful

Ending on a hopeful note inspires more than fear ever could. Highlight stories of progress and potential—whether it’s an innovative technology, a community project, or a positive impact your own organisation is already making. Hope fuels action, and when people see that progress is possible, they’re more inclined to contribute positively.

9. Notice when the conversation is going off track

When people feel psychologically unsafe they will go one of two ways – silence or violence. Keep noticing where people are and being the conversation back to a sense of safety if people are not engaging or becoming argumentative. Fall back to steps 3 and 6.

10. Stay curious to connected

When you are trying to convince someone of your point of view, the trap we fall into is that we are the expert. Stay curious and ask questions on people’s thoughts and not only will you engage them more, but you may learn something yourself that can be used to move the project forward.

As you practice these strategies, remember to stay grounded in that inner voice that is supporting and guiding you from the heart (your values; passion and beliefs) . This quiet confidence is a mindset that shapes your presence, keeping you calm, clear, and focused on positive outcomes. When we approach crucial conversations with empathy, understanding, and a hopeful vision, we help create a ripple effect, encouraging trust, inspiring action, and empowering others to join us. This practice of leading from a place of thoughtful certainty, and using listening as our primary tool, encourages others to join in, ultimately creating a culture of trust, collaboration, and action toward a more positive future

What approach do you take when having a difficult conversation?